Mangoes to Boycott Growth post Live TV Insult
All
Pakistan Mangoes Association
For Immediate Release
Karachi
– July 24, 2014: All varieties of mangoes throughout
Pakistan have decided to become invisible soon and to boycott their growth in
the country over the span of the coming year. This comes at a time when the mango
stock is at the verge of being completely consumed and when people buy the last few
kilograms as a prized possession.
Witnessing their insult in a Ramzan cum reality cum
obscenely inadequate show, all mangoes observed a day of mourning and decided
to become rotten from inside when peeled; half rotten if not completely rotten. “Not once in my life have I seen such an
insult to our species!’ said All Pakistan Mangoes Association’s (APMA) President, Aala Chonsa while announcing the boycott, ‘We used to be consumed
with respect, by dignified individuals, unlike being shoved into a blender of a
mouth by a serial mango psychopath. There is no
doubt that the death of intellect in the society produces things like Mr.
Liaquat. More shocking is this kind of audience. This is utmost greed and
stupidity. In the wake of this recent disaster, we mangoes have refused to grow
next year in Pakistan.”
Further expressing the
distress over the host’s rebuttal of mangoes being eaten with spoons by the
educated elite, the association conveyed their condolences to mango
enthusiasts. Not only did he demean this stratum of the society but he also
undermined the less affluent parts of Karachi and Hyderabad, thereby declaring
the respective residents to be mango molesters. “We live in Nazimabad and our
ancestors have planted mango trees to eat the fruit and respect the blessing
sent by God. We, by no means ridicule this gem of a fruit and do not fit into
the definition elaborated by this gentleman!” said an angry human participant.
Munna Anwar Attoul
jumped with agony, watching the PG rated clip of the show, “I wonder what his childhood would have been like or has he
still not grown yet? Anyway, there's an organisation called Karwan-e-Hayat for
'mentally distressed' people ... not sure if they would take such extreme cases
but then again it's challenging to classify the species. This thing is one of
it's kind! I hope extinct too as it's already feeling endangered by social
media ...”
The nation has heard of
and endured electricity, water and gas load shedding but mango load shedding was
never heard of. It has started happening and it’s happening now! It is expected
that the losses incurred in the form of lost foreign exchange reserves resulting from
potential lack of mango exports will be demanded to be compensated by Mr.
Liaquat, the failure of which might result in a ban (*sigh we wish*) on the
show which attracts a lack of SELF RESPECT through a mere drizzling of gifts/prizes.
Infant mangoes have
been having nightmares ever since the blend-through-demise of the their healthy
mango relative. They have been dreaming of a monster that yells, ‘Aam
khayeyga Aam?!’ and have been found waking up wetting the fruit basket!
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